Sasha, a long-time staff member of Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) from Mariupol, Ukraine, describes life in the city as it was encircled and bombarded by Russian forces. For security reasons, he is using only his first name.
沙夏（Sasha）來自烏克蘭城市馬里烏波爾（Mariupol），是無國界醫生（MSF）的長期工作人員。他描述這座被俄羅斯軍隊包圍、轟炸的城市日常。出於安全因素，本文並未曝光他的姓氏。
以下為他的來信內容：
起初，我們以為這一切不可能發生
I was born in Mariupol, and I have spent my whole life in Mariupol. I studied and worked and had a good time in Mariupol. And when MSF hired me, I was happy to do meaningful work too. Life was good in Mariupol.
我出生在馬里烏波爾，在這裡度過我的一生。我在這裡受教育、在這裡工作，在馬里烏波爾渡過了美好時光。當無國界醫生決定錄取我時，我很開心能從事這份有意義工作。在馬里烏波爾的日子曾經那麼地好。
But suddenly it became real hell.
然而，一夕間，這裡成為真實的地獄。
At first, none of us could believe what was happening, because in our times, this sort of thing just shouldn’t happen. We didn’t expect a war and we didn’t expect bombs. We thought it was just talk on TV and that someone would stop this madness from happening. When I realised that it was actually becoming real, I felt sick – so sick that I couldn’t eat for three days.
起初，沒有人能相信正在發生的一切，因為在我們這個年代，類似事情不應該發生。我們沒想過戰爭會來臨、沒有料到炸彈接連不斷。我們以為只是電視上說說而已，總會有人阻止這件瘋狂的事。等我真正意識到，這一切成為現實時，我感到反胃，反胃到 3 天都吃不下東西。
In the beginning, things almost seemed more or less normal, even though we knew that nothing really was normal anymore. But then the bombings started and our world as we had known it existed no more. Our lives became weaved between the bombs and missiles falling from the sky, destroying everything. We could think of nothing else and we could feel nothing else. The days of the week stopped to have any meaning, I couldn’t tell whether it was Friday or Saturday, it was all just one long nightmare. My sister tried to keep count of the days, but for me it was all a blur.
一開始，情況看似還算正常，即使我們知道沒有什麼事是真的正常。但之後轟炸開始，我們曾經知曉的世界便不復存在。人們的生活圍繞在從天而降的炸彈與飛彈之間，萬物都被摧毀。我們無法再思考，無法再感受其他事物。一周的日子不再有任何意義，我甚至無法說出今天是星期五，還是星期六？我的姊妹試著計算過了多少日子，但對我而言只有一片模糊。
In the first few days, we fortunately managed to donate some of MSF’s remaining medical supplies to an emergency department in Mariupol, but when the electricity and phone network went down, we couldn’t contact our colleagues anymore and we couldn’t carry out any work. The bombing started and became worse each day. Our days then consisted of trying to stay alive and trying to find a way out.
最初的幾天，我們幸運地能將無國界醫生剩餘的醫療物資，捐給馬里烏波爾的急診室。隨著電力、通訊系統中斷，再也無法聯繫上我們的同事，進行任何的作業。轟炸開始，每況愈下。活下去和試著逃出成為我們的日常。
How can one describe one’s home becoming a place of terror? There were new cemeteries all over town, in almost all neighbourhoods. Even in the little yard of the kindergarten near my house, where children should be playing. How can this past ever bring a future for our children? How can we take more pain and sadness? Each day is like losing your whole life.
一個人如何能形容家園變成了恐怖之地？鎮上到處都是新的墳場，幾乎所有街區都是。甚至連我家附近幼兒園的庭院也是，孩童本應在那裡無憂無慮地玩耍。此段經歷如何能給孩子一個未來？我們如何能承受再多一分的痛苦與悲傷？每一天，都如同失去生命的所有。
In Mariupol, I was moved to see so many people helping others, with everyone seeming to always worry for someone else and never for themselves. Mothers worried for their children and children worried for the parents. I worried for my sister—she was so stressed because of the bombings that I thought her heart would stop. Her fitness watch showed 180 heartbeats per minute and I was so stressed to see her like this. I told her it would be stupid if she were to die from fear in the midst of all this! With time, she adapted more and instead of freezing with fear during the shelling, she told me about all the different hiding places she could think of. I was still extremely worried about her and it was clear that I needed to get her out of there.
在馬里烏波爾，我被人與人之間的相互幫助所感動，人們總是掛心他人，不為自己憂慮。母親擔心孩子，孩子擔心父母。我擔心我的姊妹，她因爆炸而感到十分焦慮。我甚至以為她會嚇得心跳停止：健身手錶數據顯示，她的心跳每分鐘達 180 下。見她如此，我也非常緊張。我告訴她，如果她在這段期間因恐懼而死也太蠢了！隨著時間過去，她適應得更好了，沒有被砲擊嚇到動不了，反倒告訴我她能想到的多個避難場所。但我仍十分擔心她，顯然我必須帶她離開這裡。
We moved three times, to find the most secure place. We were lucky, as we ended up staying with an amazing group of people that I now consider my family. History has already proven that humankind survives when staying together and helping each other. I saw this with my own eyes and it really moved me.
我們搬了 3 次才找到安全的棲身之處。我們是如此幸運，最後與一群了不起的人同住，我將他們視為家人。歷史已證明，人類唯有團結互助才能生存。我親眼見證了這一切，深深觸動我的內心。
I was also moved to see how brave people were, or how brave they had to be. I remember one family who was out cooking in the street outside their home. Just a few meters from their fire were two big holes in the ground from shells which had struck another family just a few days before.
看見人們如此勇敢，或是說必須勇敢，讓我深受感動。我還記得，有一家人在街上煮菜，幾公尺外的地上有兩個大坑，是數日前另一個家庭遭受砲彈攻擊的痕跡。
I was moved to see how people cling to life and what is good. On International Women’s Day on March 8, we decided to celebrate it despite everything. We rang the neighbours and they invited their friends. Someone found one bottle of champagne and someone even made a cake with only half the ingredients of the recipe available. We even managed to put on a few minutes of music. For half an hour, we really felt the celebration and it felt good to be happy and laugh again. We even joked that this nightmare would end.
我也被人們堅守生活的信念與善念而感動。在 3 月 8 日國際婦女節這一天，不管眼下的戰火，我們決定慶祝。我們打電話給左鄰右舍，他們再邀請他們的朋友。有人發現一瓶香檳，有人僅用食譜上一半的材料做了個蛋糕，我們更播放了幾分鐘的音樂。在半小時的時光裡，真切地感受節慶感，開心歡笑的感覺真好。我們甚至開玩笑說這場惡夢會結束。
But it continued and it seemed like it would never stop.
但現況持續中，且似乎沒有停止的跡象。
艱難的撤離中，被迫留下所愛
We tried to leave every day but there were so many rumours about what was happening and what was not, we started to think it would never happen. One day, we got the information that a convoy was going to leave and we scrambled into my old car and rushed to find the departure of the convoy. We told as many people we could, but now I am filled with sadness when I think of the ones I couldn’t tell. It all went so fast and we couldn’t call anyone because there was no phone network.
我們每天都嘗試離開，但有關當下發生及沒發生的事情的謠言漫天，我們開始以為永遠離不開。有一天，我們得到消息說有車隊即將撤離，我們都擠進我那台舊車，找尋撤離車隊的隊尾。我們盡可能告訴更多的人，但現在一想到那些我沒有通知到的人，我就感到痛苦。一切發生得太快，我們無法打電話給任何人，電話網路早就被切斷。
The departure was a giant mess and panic with lots of cars going in all sorts of directions. We saw a car that had so many people in it that it was impossible to count them, their faces were pushed to the window screens. I don’t know how they made it out, but I hope they did. We had no map and we worried we would take the wrong direction, but somehow, we chose the right one and we made it out of Mariupol.
撤離的過程極其混亂與恐慌，車輛朝四面八方行駛，我們看到一台車超載了無數人，乘客的臉都被迫得緊貼著車窗。我不知道他們能否撤退，但我希望他們可以。我們沒有地圖，擔心可能走錯方向，最終我們找到對的路，成功從馬里烏波爾離開。
It was only as we tried to leave Mariupol that I realised things were actually worse than I originally thought. It turns out I was lucky to shelter in part of the city that was relatively spared, but on the way out I saw so much destruction and sorrow. We saw giant craters among apartment blocks, destroyed supermarkets, medical facilities and schools, even destroyed shelters where people had sought safety.
直到嘗試離開馬里烏波爾之際，我才意識到事情比我想像的更加嚴重。原來我很幸運地躲在相對倖免於難的地區，逃離的路上我目睹了更多的破壞與哀傷。我們看到公寓大樓出現巨大坑洞，超市、醫療設施和學校被摧毀，避難所也被毀掉。
We are safe for now, but we don’t know what the future will hold. When I finally got access to the internet, I was shocked to see pictures of my beloved city in flames and my fellow citizens under rubble. In the news, I read about the shelling of Mariupol theatre, where many families with children had sought shelter and I just can’t find the words to describe how that made me feel. I can only question why.
現在我們很安全，我們不知道未來將如何。當我終於可以連上網路時，我震驚地看到一系列照片，我熱愛的城市陷入火海，我的同胞被埋在瓦礫堆下方。從新聞上看到馬里烏波爾劇院遭到砲擊，而許多帶著孩子的家庭正在那裡尋求庇護。我無法用任何言語形容我當時的感受，只能懷疑這一切究竟為了什麼？
We had no choice but to leave so many loved ones behind. The thought of them and all the others still there is hard to bear. My heart aches with worry for my family. I tried to go back in to bring them out, but I failed to do so. Now I have no news from them.
我們別無選擇，留下許多所愛的人在馬里烏波爾。一想到還留在那裡的他們，我就難以承受。我因為擔憂家人而心痛著，我曾經試著回去帶他們出來，但我失敗了。如今我沒有任何他們的消息。
「也許有一天，有人會打給我」
The people who are together will have a better chance to survive, but there are so many who are on their own. The ones that are old and frail cannot walk for kilometres to find water and food. How will they make it?
人們團結在一起的生存機率更高，但還有很多人孤身一人，那些年老體弱的人，無法走數公里找尋水源或食物。他們該如何是好？
I can’t stop thinking of an old lady we met in the street two weeks ago. She was not walking well and her glasses were broken, so she couldn’t see much either. She pulled out a small mobile phone and asked if we could charge it for her. I tried to do it on my car battery, but I didn’t succeed. I told her that the phone network was down and that she would not be able to call anyone even if she had a battery.
我不禁憶起兩週前我在路上遇到的老太太。她走路不便，眼鏡碎掉了，所以也看不清楚。她拿出一台小手機問我們能不能幫她充電。我嘗試用車用電池充電，但沒成功。我告訴她，電話網路斷了，就算有電池，也無法打給任何人。
“I know I will not be able to call anyone,” she said. “But perhaps one day someone will want to call me.” I realised that she was on her own and that all her hopes were hanging on the phone. Maybe someone is trying to call her. Maybe my family is trying to call me. We do not know.
她說：「我知道我不能打給任何人，但也許有天，有人會想要打給我。」我意識到她是獨自一人，將所有希望寄託在電話上，也許有人會試圖打電話給她，也許我的家人也試著打電話給我。但我們都不知道。
It’s almost one month since this nightmare began and the situation gets worse every day. People in Mariupol die each day because of shelling, bombing and due to the lack of all basic needs – food, water, healthcare. Innocent civilians struggle through unbearable conditions and hardships every day, every hour and every minute. Just a small part of them have managed to escape, but a huge number are still there, hiding in destroyed buildings or in basements of ruined houses without any type of support from outside.
這場惡夢已經發生了快一個月，情況每天都在惡化。馬里烏波爾的人們因為砲擊、轟炸，和基本物資如食物、水和醫療保健的缺乏，不斷地死去。無辜的平民每天、每一小時、每一分鐘，在難以忍受的處境和艱困中苦苦掙扎。只有極少數人想辦法逃出了，大多數還留在那裡，躲在受損的建築物或破爛樓房的地下室裡，沒有任何外部支持。
Why does all this still happen to innocent people? Until which extent will humanity let this disaster continue?
為什麼這一切仍然發生在無辜的人身上？人們還要讓這場災難持續到什麼程度？
執行、核稿編輯：林欣蘋
